april 1st disguised as april 2nd

hallie ann.  you are four years old.   you have my heart.

you are chatty.  if you are not narrating what you are doing you are probably singing.

you have a kind and generous spirit.  i stand in awe at all the times i have seen you share or give up something you like for someone else.  

you love puzzles/thinking/matching/categorizing/comparing activities.  i think you're pretty darn smart.  

you adore your sisters.  you try to mirror everything kinsley says and does.  sounds, postures, reactions....you don't even realize it but you keep a close eye on her at all times.  

you are incredible with caroline.  i constantly catch you kissing her as you pass by or saying chummy words of adoration as you crouch at her level.  

you could play games with me all day long if you had your way.  and i better not try to sneak a peek at my phone or discreetly lay a magazine down as we play.  you are on to me and you insist i play "for real."  

you have mastered the art of skipping.  i am already sad your awkward straight legged skip is gone.  

you have incredible endurance.  on our family walks you never ever walk.  always a scooter or bike.  no exceptions.  

you take learning new things seriously.   when you are at swim & soccer lessons there is no room for playing around.  while your sister counterpart gets giddy and looks to mom and dad with every achievement, you concentrate and remain focused.  

you officially built your first lego set before me.  i am so impressed with you.  

while you may think you have only taught me how to build a lego castle you must know you have taught me WAY more than that.  

i am so thankful for you.  

for your birthday...
it is now a family secret that we celebrated your birthday a day early....daddy will be gone on your actual birthday so we cleverly decided to tell you that a day earlier was the big day.  we told all family members to call/facetime the day before and you never knew the difference.  :)   (today, your real birthday,  i have been silently celebrating you all day long)

we went to church, opened presents, braved chuck e cheese, ate dinner & cake, and took a family walk.  it was great having the whole day to celebrate without any school/work interruptions.  i kinda think all our birthdays should fall on weekends from now on----and they magically just might until you kids can read a calendar.

your favorite dinner...corn on the cobb, hamburgers and ranch.  easy peasy.

happy birthday, hallie!

out of the woods (or dryer)

at caroline's appointment we received wonderful and unexpected news.

basically, she will not need treatment until she is 4 or 5 years old and it will likely be a non-surgical procedure.  her neck will remain swollen and the mass will grow with her until it is time to treat it.  we will watch for infections but hopefully we will be able to wait until she is older to proceed.

it is amazing to look back at this little trial and see how god's hand was on it the entire time.  after FOUR specialists pointed us toward surgery it took the wisdom of another to change the diagnosis and get us a clear diagnosis and on the right path.   we could have been rushed to surgery had this particular doctor not taken the time for a deeper look and analysis.   god is so good!

needless to say, we are thankful.

ps: ben was horrified when he just saw this picture.  disclaimer:  she climbed in as i was loading it...the door was never closed.  she was never alone.  it was not hot inside....she climbed in atop damp clothes.  she was in no danger, ben.  no danger.

catching up

we have had a good couple weeks with a steady stream of visitors.  it has been so refreshing.  

caroline is still doing great.  we had a week with no appointments as we waited for a doctor to review her charts.   

i tend to jump ahead and worry so i've been reminding myself of the truth:

who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?   luke 12:25  

be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 thessalonians 5:16

we have an appointment on monday to {hopefully} find out exactly what the next steps will be.  

in a nutshell, caroline has a cyst.  it presents itself differently than most and the cause has been uncertain. carolines is especially complicated because her cyst has "fingers" which have snaked around her jugular , carotid artery, and many important nerves.  ~sigh~

the specialist we meet with monday will determine if caroline is a candidate for a non-surgical procedure which is basically an injection to shrivel it up.  this would obviously be an answered prayer and i am hoping this will be a successful alternative to surgery.   however, it does not have a high success rate so surgery would still be a possibility.  we have many questions and look forward to some answers soon.    

 as of now, we have no idea what direction this will take.   thanks so much for checking in...it means so much to us.  

most of these pics date back about a month.

valentine's day...yes, they were pretty smitten over the roses.  

these next pics just make me laugh.   immediately after i dressed caroline in an outfit i wore as a baby she made it quite clear she wasn't a fan.  she ran to the corner to pout and was there long enough for me to grab the camera and {lovingly} laugh at her.  

also....it pains me to admit this but she is a biter.  she bites.  she bites me.  her sisters.  the couch.  the wall ....whatever is near when she loses it.

if anyone has any success stories of how to break the habit, please share.  

once she got on her beloved rocking horse she was happy.

 

 then mad....

 then happy....

 then mad again.....

 then happy....

loveable and charming hallie.

then a visit we had been anxiously waiting for!!  anne and makena flew out which was nothing short of amazing.  the girls had the best time together and i LOVED having sister time.   we stayed at the great wolf lodge in charlotte just for the heck of it.  we highly recommend it...so fun!

our hotel room was a wolf den and a mess of swimming suits and cookie crumbs.

 wave pool.

 this is kinsley before the water bucket dropped...

 after.

I was so proud of makena for her fearlessness at crossing a wobbly path!  her skinny long legs didn't hurt either.

 i will MISS seeing these 3 together.   they have such big love for each other.

and...makena's "blanket" cracks me up.  any creative ideas on preserving the thing?

escape to the coast

after a tough week we were happy to head to charleston on saturday.    it is safe to say it is our new favorite place and we're already planning our next visit.  

 ben's brother, tommy, came out for a visit.   he didn't have an empty hand or shoulders the entire time.

we are in a holding pattern with caroline.  on friday, the words of the pediatric surgeon were "we know what this isn't.  we just don't know exactly what it is."  

the appointment was upsetting as we learned about the procedure and risks if surgery is the route we need to go.  

we have more appointments this week to determine next steps.

thanks for holding our caroline up in prayer.

one big hurdle down

above all else, we are praising god for his presence and encouraging news today.  he gets all the glory.

i tend to fast forward through the good and worry about the upcoming days.  i have been thankful that those moments were short-lived today and i was able to catch my breath.

the MRI went as smooth as possible.  the waiting was pretty torturous and i knew ben lost his marbles when he stopped pacing and started answering the phone at the reception desk.   a dad in need of information on his baby can't be contained.  :)

we were thankful to have had a detailed conversation with the radiologist.   the next step is a meeting with the surgeon on friday.

when we got to see caroline she looked like she had been put through wringer.  at first she was pretty upset and had a hard time being consoled.   then she had a popsicle then a banana then crackers then i lost track because she did not stop eating for the rest of the day.  

she has recovered beautifully and had a great afternoon.

 if it weren't for the bandage markings and darn lump on her neck you would never know there is anything wrong.    

we are thankful for a god who strengthens us and family and friends who lift us up.

caroline

saturday was wagon rides and playing outside.
sunday was urgent care and children's hospital.

in short, the left side of caroline's neck is extremely swollen.  every step of this journey we have expected it to stop; for there to be an easy diagnosis and treatment.

it's been far too many doctors shrugging their shoulders and admitting being puzzled.

after 2nd and 3rd opinions the specialists seem to agree on it being a cyst caused from a valve that never shut when she was developing.   there is some uncertainty as to what specifically is going on so they have recommended an MRI.  they need more information that the CAT scan could not provide before they operate.  they also need to confirm that a gray spot on the CAT scan is a gland that has been shifted and not something "worrisome" which would require a biopsy.  

the surgery will be complicated due to the size of the cyst and the presence of "important structures"  (blood vessels).

at the moment we are waiting to schedule an MRI.  we are praying that it will be tomorrow.

my heart aches and my eyes are blood shot from tears.
caroline is doing amazing.  she is her normal spunky self and she is in zero pain.   it's comforting to be with her and see her good spirits.

the days ahead remain uncertain but we are trusting caroline to god's hands.  that he will provide the most caring, best and precise surgeon in charlotte.   that he will comfort caroline when she is frightened.  we will be on our knees praying that the spot on the CAT scan is a gland and a biopsy will not even be necessary.  we are praying that after the MRI the diagnosis is conclusive and the doctors can gather all the information necessary for a successful surgery.


Zephaniah 3:17 The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.

(the MRI was just scheduled for 9am tomorrow morning.  thank you jesus.)

does this make me a cyber bully?

you may think i am all nice and polite.   that may be about to change.

my sister, sarah, and i have a long history of quirks and pranks in our relationship.  

in fact, as far back as i can remember i have rarely referred to her as "sarah."  actually, when i use her real name something feels off.  when she was in elementary school i called her charlie for about 5 years then through a long chain of variations it permanently landed on chad.   it is so second nature that i have caught my parents also referring to her that way.  

decades ago (literally decades ago) we started an ongoing prank that continues to this very day.   it started with a pair of white granny panties that landed in our laundry pile.  we each denied ownership and it started simply with us spending a few months throwing them back and forth into each other's rooms.

this evolved into us hiding them in the other's room which then resulted in finding them somewhere in our own space.  

we got more creative over the years and the panties have been baked into a birthday cake, sent to college in a care package, and placed in the passenger vizor mirror in a car so when someone unsuspecting checked makeup, giant panties would fall upon them.  

we lose track of who has them which makes the surprise more maddening each time they are discovered.

over christmas chad got me with a new prank.  all the sisters worked together to make an adorable shutterfly calendar for our dad.  on christmas morning when he opened it there was a less than pleasing picture of me on one of the pages.   i am just vain enough to not take that well.

but i can laugh at it now because of some sweet sweet revenge that just went down.

we worked on that shutterfly calendar on her account...thus i used her password.   i wondered if she is like me and uses the same password for everything.  

to my DELIGHT, she does and i had full access to the site where i would attack....pinterest.

now what makes this so beautiful is that when i did this she was in the mountains on a technology free weekend.   my work would be live for 2 whole days.

i needed to attack with something quirky but possibly believable.  nothing humiliating, just weird.

the captions were the best part.
under the tattoo pictures i wrote, "someday..."  and "maybe this one...lower back?"
under the creepy face paint picture, "halloween...brennan will be killer cute"

i uploaded as many pictures of owls that i could find.   150 followers reading her crazy captions.  i knew it was successful when she started getting facebook posts on her wall asking about her owl obsession.

luckily chad has a good sense of humor and after a little public cleanup via a facebook update, everyone now knows it was not her doing.  

this did bring me unlimited amounts of joy but i would be lying if i wasn't a smidge nervous for her plans of retaliation.  time to change all my passwords.